2 Samuel 13:1-22

And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. ² And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do anything to her. ³ But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David’s brother: and Jonadab was a very subtil man. ⁴ And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king’s son, lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister. ⁵ And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand. ⁶ So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat at her hand. ⁷ Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother Amnon’s house, and dress him meat. ⁸ So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house; and he was laid down. And she took flour, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and did bake the cakes. ⁹ And she took a pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, Have out all men from me. And they went out every man from him. ¹⁰ And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber, that I may eat of thine hand. And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. ¹¹ And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister. ¹² And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly. ¹³ And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee. ¹⁴ Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. ¹⁵ Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone. ¹⁶ And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her. ¹⁷ Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her. ¹⁸ And she had a garment of divers colours upon her: for with such robes were the king’s daughters that were virgins apparelled. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her. ¹⁹ And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying. ²⁰ And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. ²¹ But when king David heard of all these things, he was very wroth. ²² And Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon neither good nor bad: for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.

Alan Redpath once rightly said, “The man whom God forgives sometimes has to drink deeply of the well which his sin has tapped.” Such was true in the life of King David. The great blessing and responsibility that was given to him in being “the sweet psalmist of Israel” (2 Samuel 23:1) and the anointed king of God’s people did not excuse him from the horrible consequences that sin brings. While God forgives and pardons the one who trusts in Christ, there is no promise in Scripture that the Lord will always remove the consequences of those forgiven sins. In fact, the Bible warns “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” (Galatians 6:7). Over the last four weeks in 2 Samuel 11-12, we have looked at David’s infamous sin of adultery with Bathsheba, his murderous scheming to cover it, and the horrible consequences that would come from it in his own household and the kingdom because of it. One of the consequences of David’s sin was “the sword shall never depart from thine house” (2 Samuel 12:10). In 2 Samuel 13, those consequences began to unfold in David’s oldest son Amnon. The lust that led David to commit adultery with Bathsheba would now drive David’s oldest son to lower depths of depravity in relationship to his half-sister Tamar. Amnon illustrates the power of unbridled lust in a person’s life and the sheer emptiness and foolishness of acting on and fulfilling lust. This week, we will learn from this account three frustrations that arise from the folly of fulfilling lust.

First, there is the frustration of vexation. The opening words of verse 1 set us up for the subject matter of the next portion of 2 Samuel. The text introduces “Absalom the son of David” before any other figures in the chapter because he becomes the central figure for the turmoil that will mark David’s household for the next several years (2 Samuel 13-19). Absalom and his sister Tamar were children of David’s with his wife Maacah, the daughter of King Talmai of Geshur. Absalom’s name ironically means “father of peace” and he will bring anything but peace to Israel. The second son mentioned there is Amnon, who was David’s oldest son whose mother was Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, one of the wives that he had taken while on the run from Saul. Amon had a lustful desire for his “fair sister, whose name was Tamar.” Of course, when the text tells us that Amnon “loved” his sister, it is using the term in the sense of a lustful infatuation with her. It was pure lust. This lust was extremely dangerous because it was lust for a sister, a sexual relationship that was forbidden in the law and punishable by death (Leviticus 18:9; 20:17). In those early verses we are introduced to the first folly of pursuing and fulfilling sinful lusts, vexation. Verse 2 tells us that that Amnon was “vexed” (distressed or frustrated) to the point that “he fell sick for his sister Tamar.” His issue was that since Tamar was a “virgin” daughter of the king, she was watched closely, heavily protected, and kept secluded in her own area of the palace with limited interaction with any men. This was so that she might be kept pure for her future husband. You’ve heard it said that “Where there is a will, there’s a way,” and that proves true in this passage. Sin will find a way if we allow it to have reign in our lives. The way was provided by a shady figure in David’s family, his nephew named Jonadab. Jonadab is a very “subtil” (worldly wise and crafty) individual who works behind the scenes in David’s household. He seems to conveniently never be the central actor, but lurked around when disaster struck. Here, he seized an opportunity, perhaps to advance himself, bring harm to David, or get himself in Amnon’s (the oldest and natural heir) good graces. Whatever his motive, he hatched a plan for Amnon to get what his lustful heart desired. His plan was to get Amnon to pretend to be sick and request of David that Tamar be the one to tend to him. This would give him an opportunity to get from her what he desired. Jonadab was the type of guy who went behind the scenes and had private meetings with people to scheme, advance himself, and stir up strife. Later, he would utilize Absalom’s murder to appear a hero with “good news” for the king. It seems that while Amnon was “vexed” for Tamar that Jonadab was vexed for being a catalyst for trouble. This first folly of vexation leaves one frustrated and left to other deceptive, sinful vices to fulfill it.

Next, there is the frustration of harm. David, often portrayed in 2 Samuel 13-14 as aloof to the sinful proclivities and problems within his own family, unwittingly delivered Tamar to the greatest threat of danger, her brother Amnon, by granting Amnon’s deceptive request. When she went about to cook for Amnon, Amnon had all the others in the area excused and he had Tamar bring food into his inner chamber. When she refused to comply and lie with him, Amnon took her by force and raped her. In verse 12, we see Tamar’s integrity clearly shown when she said “for no such thing ought to be done in Israel.” She was the victim in all of this, both of Amnon’s evil actions against her and her father’s failure to protect her. She was right. Sexual sin had no place in Israel. She and the rest of David’s family should have known full well the disastrous consequences of sexual sin because they knew about the disasters that followed David’s sin with Bathsheba. Yet, when a person is blinded by their sinful desires, they won’t listen. You ever deal with someone who is so bent on having their way that they just won’t listen? It might be a drug user, an alcoholic, someone in a sinful dating relationship, etc., or it might be someone that participates in a seemingly good thing that they know deep down is wrong and destructive. They are so bent on having what they want, what makes them feel good, or what they like that they just won’t listen. That is frustrating because they become blinded by the harm they cause by stubbornly pressing ahead and doing what they want. We see the swift destructive nature of the fulfilling of built up, sinful, unrepentant lust in a person’s heart. Dale Ralph Davis rightly captures it saying, “Terror takes a second or two. In ten minutes Tamar’s whole life lies in tatters.” How frustrating it is to see lives destroyed by sin. In Tamar’s case, her virginity as a king’s daughter was something most precious. In a swift moment of extreme selfishness, it was taken from her. She would never be able to be presented as a pure bride to a future husband. Her whole life came crashing down. How frustrating it is to see lives destroyed by sin. How angry we should be at selfishness, lust, and sins of all kinds. When we truly understand the destructive nature of sin and the holy character of God, we cannot love sin.

Lastly, there is the frustration of grief. Look at the pain that this fleeting moment of pleasure caused. No one leaves happy, not even Amnon. In fact, it seems clear that Amnon was more miserable after getting what he wanted than before. He now “hated” his sister Tamar that he had once “loved.” Such is the true revelation for anyone who acts selfishly against another. Anytime we put our own interests and desires above someone else or above the Lord’s will and Word, we reveal that in doing so we hate all that we act against, regardless of what emotional stirring we may have for them or what our lips may profess. His hatred for his sister came from the guilt and shame that he experienced because of his sin. Now, he had to look at Tamar, not as an object to be desired, but as something that had brought out the worst in him. He was now a rapist and he had raped his sister. He sent his sister away, broken and hurting. Virgin daughters of the king typically wore “a garment of divers colours” that marked them out as such. Tamar left Amnon’s chambers, put ashes on her head, and tore her special garment because it had lost its meaning. Gordon Keddie comments on this, “such is the nature of injustice, that it is the innocent who feel the defilement most” and Matthew Henry pointed out that it is the innocent who go “crying for another’s sins.” The sexual ethic of our own culture mirrors the same lust and actions of Amnon. What is championed as a promotion of virtues like “love” and “freedom” is actually a destructive prison that is exploitative rather than sacrificial. Our culture has taken love, sex, and marriage, all good things given by God within boundaries, and redefined and championed them to be used in such a way to promote selfish exploitation of lusts rather than God-honoring sacrificial love. It seems that when the text tells us that Tamar became “desolate” (isolated) that it is telling us that she remained unmarried and childless. Her life, once full of joy and promise as the king’s daughter, had been left in ruins in one devastating act. The last two verses of the section (21-22) tell us the reactions of the two central figures in conflict going forward. David “was very wroth” but did nothing about his son’s terrible act. How could he? He was guilty of sexual sin and taking a forbidden woman himself. David once stood against Goliath but would not stand up for his precious daughter. Now, he failed to uphold justice as king or disciple as a father. Absalom would comfort his sister and distance himself from Amnon because he “hated” him. He would hatch a plot to murder his brother. David would not act at all. Absalom would take vengeance into his own hands. Both would be wrong and this act would be the spark that would mark out the darkest of days in David’s life. The grief was only beginning in David’s family. The folly of lust is that the grief it produces may be with us for days, months, years, or the rest of our lives. Sin is never worth it.

Look at what lust and sin can do to people. An action deserving of death was taken. A life was ruined. A family would be forever divided. All of this came from one selfish, sinful act that was driven a cultivated lustful desire over time. What hope is there for mankind? If the family of the man after the Lord’s own heart could be marked by such trouble, what hope is there for us? God has provided an answer in the greater Son of God, the Lord Jesus who has come, not just to forgive us of sin, but to cleanse us and set us free from its power. Many people approach the Christian life as a list of things they don’t get to do anymore. But that is so backwards and misguided. The good news of the gospel is that I don’t have to live the way the rest of the world lives, living my life “in the lusts of” my “flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind” (Ephesians 2:3). In Christ, I have been set free to serve Him. Look at the folly a life of sin is. It produces only a life fraught with frustration from vexation, harm, and grief. Christ and His ways are so much greater.